Reflection
by Szabotage
Summary: New Year's Day gives Fuuma a chance to reflect on things


Reflection

By Maria Szabo

Disclaimer:  X belongs to CLAMP, their publishers and distributors.  This is a work of fanfiction and no profit save enjoyment is being made from it.

       In every shrine, there sits a mirror.  You can't always see it, but it is there, nonetheless.  Mirrors are sacred things.  Without our mirrors, we would lose sight of what we really are.  Even the holy Amaterasu had to learn that lesson.  Mirrors are important.

        New Year's Day.  A time for hopes and prayers and wishes.  Even for me.  The wind is bitter as we make our way from the Meiji Shrine, but I've long since forgotten what cold feels like.  What bothers me is the people, pressing against us and around us, their wants and needs and desires burning like salt in a raw wound.  It was not my idea to come here…Kazuki wanted to see it and I can refuse her nothing.  She is, after all, family, and New Year's is a time for family.  Ironic, isn't it?  I'm now a father to the thing that killed my own father.  So I took her to the shrine, and showed her how to pray.  We clapped our hands and bowed our heads and threw our coins, trying very hard not to get hit by the offerings being cast from behind us.  We did not bother to get a fortune.  Why should we?  We know our future.

     She takes my hand, now, pushed against me by the ever-present crowd.  We've razed half of Tokyo, but you'd never think it by the number of people here.  I've never been to the Meiji Shrine on New Year's…I was always too busy helping father at Togakushi, handing out fortunes and sweeping up the coins that the people would throw to the god.  Every year, Kotori said she wanted to go over to the Meiji Shrine afterwards, but she was not strong enough to go alone and by the end of the day, father and I were too exhausted to take her.  And she would smile and say, "Next year, then," and make more tea for father, whose voice was hoarse from shouting blessings all day.  That was Kotori for you.  Always wanting more than she could handle.  That's what killed her, in the end.  Not me.  I just did what she wanted me to.  

     Wishes and dreams, hopes and desires, they wash over me like a tidal wave.  Everyone wants something, and I can give them want they want, if they are willing to accept it.  I tighten my grasp on Kazuki's hand.  Of the seven that look to me, she is the easiest for me to bear.  All she wants is to be with her father.  The others are not so simple.

     Suddenly, my senses tingle, and I realize that we are not alone within the sea of humanity.  I pull on Kazuki's hand and lift my head upwards.  She nods in understanding and in a moment, the two of us are no longer pressed within the crowd, but perched on the great torii gate high above.  Kazuki looks puzzled, but as always, she trusts me.  She really should know better.  From this vantage point, I can see all of them.

     That annoying Kansai boy is here.  He's got one arm in a sling, and the other one wrapped around the cold beauty.  As she looks up at him, though, her eyes are a mixture of warmth and pain.  She says something, and he laughs, tightening his arm around her.  She smiles softly, but her eyes are sad.  Those two will be the death of each other.

     Kigai is here, too, escorting Satsuki, who even here is hooked into her BEAST.  Only Kigai could manage to get himself in a love triangle with a computer.  She winces as the laptop wires dig into her, but she refuses to let go of Kigai's arm.  Too bad he doesn't notice this.  He's too busy staring at the well-dressed redhead who's stopped to say hello to the Kansai boy and his woman.

     I don't blame him.  She's exquisite.  Her soul burns as brightly as her hair.  She stands and jokes with the couple, then visibly stiffens as a tall man comes to join them.  From the look on Kigai's face as he sees them, it looks like competition.  Satsuki-chan finally looks up and gets his attention.  Smiling and nodding apologetically, he leads her away, taking one last stolen glance the redheaded goddess.

     The four Dragons of Heaven talk briefly, then separate, Arisugawa and his ladylove heading towards the temple.  The tall windmaster offers his arm to the redhead, who refuses it and waves goodbye as she makes her way back into the crowd.  The confusion on his face is laughable.  One wish, Aoki-san, is all I can afford you.  You can't have your cake and eat it, too.

     Kazuki pulls on my jacket and points farther down, her face concerned.  Following her gaze, I can see why.  Shiyuu has made it very plain he wants no part of this battle, yet there he is, his arm securely wrapped around the Dragons of Heaven's inugami-mistress.  She laughs up at him, dressed in her little kimono, her eyes making no secret of her feelings.  Strangely enough, the dog seems to tolerate him, trotting happily at their side.  Her wish is as evident as it ever was.  She will protect the ones she loves, and that includes the man at her side.  Once again, I search for his wish, and see…nothing.  He's clever, that man.  He won't give up his place, nor will he act.  It's his own personal kekkai.  But those who choose not to decide still have made a choice, and his inaction, be it from prudence or cowardice, will not let him escape his destiny.

     Kazuki wants to interfere, but I hold her back.  Let them have their little affair.  It's what they both want.  Instead, I indicate another man, who leans against one of the torii's pillars, watching the two lovers with mismatched eyes, a cigarette dangling from his fingers.  Subaru Sumeragi has not revealed his new self to his former comrades as yet.  I briefly wonder if today will be the day…the Meiji Shrine's kekkai is still intact, but somehow, I think Sumeragi is as disinterested in destroying the world as he was in saving it.  Sakurazuka died a happy man.  Nothing, I think, will make Sumeragi happy.  Ever. He's almost as bad as Kakyou, mooning over that dead lover of his.  Hokuto-chan certainly caused a lot of trouble in her short life.  I briefly wonder what her wish was…but I guess I'll never know.  Thankfully, the wishes of the dead are beyond my reach.

     Sumeragi suddenly stubs out his cigarette, and vanishes from sight.  I wonder why, until I catch sight of HIM.  My  breath catches in my throat.  I hate this reaction, but I can't seem to help myself.  He's walking under the torii now, dressed in that ever-present school uniform of his, accompanied by a tall, blond cheery-looking young man who seems to be chattering non-stop.  He listens absently, with that little half-smile that he used to give Kotori when she babbled on about nothing.  I know it well, for it's the same one I used to use.   They make their way below us, then something makes him stop, and he turns back, looking directly at us, his face registering horror.

     Oh, this would be too easy!  His eyes are wide, fearful as they move from me, to Kazuki, to the blond-haired boy next to him, who hasn't noticed a thing.  I give him the kind of smile he sees in his nightmares and he visibly sweats.  If we attack, he has no recourse, and he knows it.  Kazuki tenses up next to me, ready to strike, but I shake my head, smiling.  Not now.  Not today.  But soon, very soon.  Kamui's eyes narrow and he suddenly takes ahold of the blond boy's arm, pulling him along quickly towards the temple.

     I motion for Kazuki to jump back down, and then hesitate, turning back to face the shrine.  Once again, I'm almost overwhelmed by the desires of the human sheep that mill below.  But for all my power, I am human, too.  And I have have my own hopes and prayers and wishes for the New Year.  But I am what I am, and what I am means that I can act upon everyone else's wishes, and not my own.  I am a mirror, just like in the shrine.  

     Mirrors are important.  Mirrors show us what we really are.  But when you show a mirror to a mirror, then all you can see in an eternal reflection.  And somewhere within that reflection is the truth.

FIN     


End file.
